[HOTPICSANDTOONS] COOL MISCELLANEOUS

Cool Miscellaneous   Little Johnny's mother decided to give her son an anatomy lesson one day, so she took off all of her clothes and pointed to her vagina, and said, "Johnny.  This is where you come from."      Johnny went to school the next day smiling and insisting all his friends now refer to him as "Lucky Johnny."      "Why?" one asked. Johnny held his fingers an inch apart and said, "Because I came this close to being a turd."   ()()()()()    One friend in a bar asked another, "So, how did you do with that blonde you took home last night." "Terrible.  She had the biggest cunt I've ever seen." "So, what did you do?" "Not much I could do.  I just threw in a quarter, made a wish, and sent her home." ()()()()() A guy says, "I remember the first time I used alcohol as a substitute for women." "Yeah what happened?" asked the other. The first guy replies, "Well, I got my dick stuck in the neck of the bottle." ()()()()() The man, tired of a listless sex life came right out and asked his wife during a recent love-making session, "How come you never tell me when you have an orgasm?" She glanced at him casually and replied, "You're never home!" ()()()()() Did you fake it this time, darling?" the man asked after making love to his wife. "No, dear," she replied.  "This time I really was asleep." ()()()()() Q: What's the difference between rooting a girl with arms and rooting a girl with no arms? A: If you're rooting a girl with no arms and your dick slips out, you  have to put it back all by yourself. Q: What has 100 teeth and can hold back a huge monster? A: My zipper. Q: What's the difference between spit and swallow? A: Forty pounds of pressure on the back of her head.