RESIGNATION LETTER

(ANYBODY LOOKING TO RESIGN CAN USE THIS LETTER:) Dear Sir, This will confirm my fucking resignation with your fucked up company. I have accepted a lucrative position with a company where being a bitch is not a job prerequisite for managerial skills. I am looking forward to my new position and the challenges that await me, unlike when I worked with you assholes. My last day of work will be when you realize I came in late last night and cleaned out my desk, including all the supplies I requested and received last week. Hopefully, your dumb ass can figure out all the shit I've left undone for the new team, as well as the ongoing projects I never completed. Once the company figures out that you don't know a damn thing, they will not only fire my replacement, but your ass as well. Please feel free not to say a damn thing to me should you see me on the street, unless you want your ass kicked. My experience with this fucking company has been very unrewarding. I was only rewarded by your secretary. She is a good fucker. She screwed me on your desk when you were away. She told me that you screwed her every time she appealed for salary increment. She enjoyed sex with me but not with a corpse like you. In short, you are not only a fucker but a poor fucker. Anyway, I appreciate having had the opportunity to use you as a stepping stone to a better future. I wish you and the organization not a fucking thing, bitch-ass motherfuckers. Yours sincerely, __________________   A man and his wife are returning from holiday, while on holiday they decided to buy themselves some pets, he bought a snake while the woman got a skunk. As they are passing through airport control they notice a sign which says "NO ANIMALS WILL BE ALLOWED THROUGH QUARANTINE" Slightly distressed the woman turns to her husband and asks what they should do. After thinking hard for 5 minutes the man come up with a plan "what I'll do is tie the snake around my waist and try to pretend that it's a snake skin belt" "Yes" the woman replies "but what about the skunk?" "I don't know, you'll just have to hide it up your skirt" "but what about the smell?" the woman asks. To which the man replies "Look, if it dies it dies!"